


drunk in love

by hilourry



Category: One Direction
Genre: Alcoholism, Angst, Bodyworship, Bottom Louis, Fluff, M/M, Rimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-25
Updated: 2014-06-25
Packaged: 2018-02-06 05:21:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1845829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hilourry/pseuds/hilourry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis’ small hands come up to brush the inked birds on Harry’s chest.</p><p>“Represents freedom, something we never got,” Louis whispers sadly. Harry nods solemnly, taking Louis’ hands in his.</p><p>“We have it now,”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. almost lose it

“You nervous?” Liam asks as he finishes tying Louis’ tie. Louis takes a shuddering breath.

“I suppose a little. But I think I’m ready for marriage. We’ve been together for nearly three years. She’s great, isn’t she?” Louis asks, locking eyes with his best man.

“Of course she is, Lou. Grace is a sweetheart. Really, I’m happy for you,” Liam smiles, and maybe with a hint of sadness in it.

“It’s really sweet of Niall to walk Grace down the aisle. She really took her dad’s death hard last year. They were so close and I didn’t know what I was going to do today, but she really loves Niall. I can see why, though,” Louis says with a grin. Niall is always so full of life and it’s hard not to love him.

“Niall is excited to do it. I think he was a bit jealous you picked me as your best man and not him, so now he feels apart of the wedding,” Liam shrugs.

“We should have asked Zayn to be Grace’s maid of honor,” Louis jokes and Liam throws his head back with a laugh.

“I’m sure he would have, too. Wear a pretty dress; some make up-“ Louis clasps his small hand over Liam’s mouth before he can finish speaking.

“I don’t need to hear about kinky bedroom ideas between the two of you. You can speak about it with Zayn afterwards. Not me,” Louis quickly explains and Liam barks another laugh.

“I’m sure you have some ideas planned for the honeymoon, no?” Liam smirks and Louis blushes a bit.

“Yeah, possibly. But right now I’m focused on not tripping over my feet today. Especially not during our first dance,” Louis groans and Liam smiles fondly at him, pinching his cheek.

“You’ll be fine, love. Just breathe and everything will be fine,” the younger boy reassures. Louis smiles and nods.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” he sighs.

“Ready to get married?”

~

Harry pulls up to the church and finds a parking spot. He sits in the car for a long while, closing his eyes and sighing deeply. It wasn’t supposed to be this way; it was supposed to be Louis and Harry saying ‘I do’ and binding their eternal love. But no matter how many times Harry read the wedding invitation, it says ‘Louis & Grace’ and that kills Harry. He isn’t even sure why he’s here. Yeah, he was invited but he’s almost positive it’s out of pity. It’s been nearly four years since the last time they’ve talked, and after their big break up, Harry shelled himself in, which includes not speaking to the other three boys either.

He also hasn’t been in a serious relationship since. He’s tried to have a few random shags just to get rid of some of the sexual frustration, but it doesn’t do much good. He only feels worse about himself and almost feels like he’s cheating on Louis, even though it’s been four long years. And Louis is clearly very much over Harry at this point and ready to start a brand new life with a brand new partner.

Harry checks himself in the mirror, triple checking to make sure nothing is in his teeth and he looks presentable. His eyes a tad bit puffy from crying the night prior; he was still sickeningly stuck to Louis and didn’t want to go through with this.

He shouldn’t be here. He should have thrown the invitation out when he first got it and never looked back, but he didn’t. He hung it on the fridge, staring at it every day, his heart aching heavily. But he was still here; he needed to see him again.

Harry takes a few deep breaths before getting out of the car and fixing his black sports jacket and his button down shirt. His heart speeds up a bit as he thought back to the night of his mother’s wedding; how Louis murmured that he couldn’t wait for it to be the two of them getting married and how amazing he looked in a suit, then taking him home and making love to him.

Harry shakes his head, biting his lip as he pushed those thoughts out of his mind. Now isn’t the time for this.

He walks inside with shaky legs, sneaking himself in without being noticed and sitting in the very back. He looks around at the crowd, swallowing hard as he saw the back of Zayn’s head in the front pew. He shuts his eyes for a moment, collecting his thoughts.

A few minutes later, he watches the priest walk to the alter with Liam and Louis following him. Harry feels his stomach flip uncomfortably. He’s seen pictures of Louis in social media, but there’s nothing like seeing him in person. Somehow, age is working wonders from him. Granted, he’s only 28, but he looks so mature and he only gets better looking.

Liam smiles at Louis and stands next to him, patting his shoulder and Louis smiles back. Harry feels his stomach clenching and he wishes he could run away, but now it’s too late.

He waits, watching Louis’ every move; his hair styled into a perfect quiff and his black suit tailored perfectly to his curvy body. He wears a huge grin on his face that makes Harry’s stomach twist.

Before he knows it, the music starts to play and the bridesmaids start to walk down the isle with the groomsmen. Harry gives them all quick glances, but then looks back to Louis. It used to be his Louis, but now he’s Grace’s Louis and that didn’t seem fair.

Finally, Niall walks out arm and arm with a pretty petite brunette with green eyes and a huge grin on her face wearing a white poufy wedding dress. Harry feels sick; this supposed to be Harry, not her. Harry is supposed to be walking down the aisle ready to marry Louis. Not her.

He turns his head to look at Louis, who is smiling so wide those crinkles by his eyes are prominent and that’s how he used to look at Harry.

Harry wants to faint, to run, to not be here. Panic is rising in his chest because he can’t be here for this and watch Louis get married to someone that isn’t him. But if he bolts out the door, it might ruin this magical moment and Harry can’t find it in his heart to do that to Louis.

Niall walks Grace down the aisle, kissing her cheek before handing her off to Louis. “Take care of my girl, yeah?” Niall only half jokes. Louis smiles softly, nodding.

“Always,” he whispers, taking Grace’s hands in his.

This looks a bit too familiar for Harry; Louis going off with Eleanor any time management pleased, taking Harry’s Louis away. They put up with it because they knew they could make it through anything and all of that bullshit would end, but Harry fucked up. He fucked it all up.

The rest of the ceremony is a bit of a blurry haze to Harry. He watches the couple smiling fondly at each other, exchanging their vows quietly, saying ‘I do’, slipping the silver wedding bands on their ring fingers, and sealing it all with a kiss. Harry feels like his heart is being ripped from his chest and he has no one to blame but himself.

Harry watches them come down the aisle, their hands intertwined. Louis smiles brightly, his eyes falling on Harry. He visibly freezes for a moment, but simply smiles again, giving Harry a tiny wave and walking out of the church. Harry suddenly feels dizzy.

He watches the rest of the wedding party walk by, Liam giving him a warm smile and a friendly hello, as if nothing happened, and Niall grins, nodding his head at him. Harry briefly wonders why it was Niall walking Grace down the aisle, but can’t find it in himself to care much.

The wedding reception wasn’t going to be easy.

~

The first place Harry goes when he gets to the reception hall is the bar, of course. This is how he’s learned to deal with pain; drink until he’s numb. Maybe it isn’t exactly fool proof, but for the most part, it gets the job done.

By the time cocktail hour is over, Harry is pretty buzzed. He tries discreetly to watch Louis from afar, which isn’t exactly a good idea, considering how badly it hurts him inside. Louis and Grace are draped over each other, grinning, and stealing kisses every so often. It makes Harry’s skin crawl.

By the first course, Harry is more than a little buzzed and by the time the main course is served, Harry is piss drunk. He sits at a table full of people he doesn’t know; probably some new friends of Louis’ that he doesn’t bother to learn the names of. He’s wallowing in his sorrows and doesn’t have time for anything else.

Liam sits at the wedding party table, seated between Louis and Zayn. He watches Harry down another champagne before putting his face in his hands. His heart aches at his old friend’s obvious pain. Louis doesn’t notice, though. He’s feeding Grace a piece of his chicken, smiling at her almost the exact same way he used to smile at Harry.

Liam knows it isn’t the same, though. There’s something different about his relationship with Grace. There isn’t that magnetic pull between them that there was between Louis and Harry. Sure, maybe Louis really did love Grace, but not the way he loved Harry. Liam knows Louis will never love anyone the way he loved Harry, and that devastates him.

Liam desperately wanted the two of them to fix their issues and get back together, but Louis insisted it was over and Harry insisted he fucked up and it wasn’t going to happen. Liam took the break up harder than Zayn and Niall did, and he still thought about what it would be like if it was still Louis and Harry.

He often wonders if Louis’ tattoos have ever come up in conversation between him and Grace. Maybe he did explain the whole Harry situation, and maybe she was okay with it, but those words and symbols will forever be inked on his skin for Harry, not Grace. And Liam knows Louis isn’t going to get a tattoo for Grace, ever, no matter how much he claims he loves her, because she isn’t Harry.

Liam sighs to himself, pushing his food around his plate. Zayn squeezes his knee under the table, looking at him concerned. “Everything okay, babe?” he asks softly. Liam just nods.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just thinking, is all. It’s a big day,” Liam says with his best fake smile.

“It’ll be us in a couple of months,” Zayn reminds him, kissing his cheek. Liam genuinely grins at that.

“I know. I couldn’t be more excited, Mr. Malik,” Liam murmurs, kissing his nose.

“Mr. Payne,” Zayn corrects, grinning.

“Still can’t believe you want to change your name to Payne. Malik is a great last name,” Liam says.

“I like the thought of having your name, though. I love your last name and I want it just as bad as I want you for the rest of my life,” Zayn answers honestly.

“Corny, but I’ll take it,” Liam smirks. They kiss briefly before finishing off their meal.

~

Harry hasn’t spoken a word to anyone the whole night. The boys have been busy with other guests and doing all that stupid wedding shit that Harry knows is all Grace’s ideas because Louis would never go for some of this stuff. He’s drunk off his ass and isn’t sure he knows which way is up at this point. He knows the first dance is coming up soon and that makes him sick.

“Harry!” Liam calls, smiling as he walks towards Harry. Harry squints, making out the figure. It sounds like Liam, but in his state, he isn’t really sure.

“Li-Liam?” he slurs, putting his fork down.

“Yeah, it’s Liam. Jesus, how many drinks have you had?” Liam asks worriedly.

“I don’t know. I stopped counting after six,” Harry answers.

“Can I talk to you in the bathroom?” Liam asks politely, putting a hand on Harry’s broad shoulder. Harry is pretty sure he nods.

Liam helps him up and supports him on the way to the bathroom. Liam makes sure the bathroom is empty and stands by the sinks, crossing his arms and looks at Harry, who’s leaning against a stall for balance.

“Harry,” Liam starts sadly. “What’s been going on with you lately? I didn’t…I didn’t think you’d push us out of your life after what happened with Louis. We wanted to help you and you didn’t want it. And I’ve seen you in magazines and you don’t look good. It’s like you’re always partying and then suddenly fall off the face of the earth. How have you been, really?” Liam asks, voice filled with concern.

“Really? I’ve been shitty. Absolutely shitty. You see what they write about me. They fucking think I’m on drugs, which is not true. Borderline alcoholic, maybe that’s a bit true,” Harry slurs.

“Harry,” Liam sighs.

“No, let me talk for a second,” Harry garbles.

Louis goes to swing the door of the bathroom open, but can hear that deep, raspy voice speaking that he automatically knows belongs to Harry. He stands by the cracked door and waits to hear what he has to say, even though he probably shouldn’t be eavesdropping.

“I don’t think any of you knew truly how much I loved Louis. Maybe you can pretend you did, but it wasn’t some puppy love between us. It was real and genuine and I fucked that all up, Liam. I’m a disgusting bastard and I deserved it. I hurt him so much and he didn’t deserve any of that because he’s a good fucking person. He’s the best person I have ever known and I hate myself for what I did to him,” Harry spits.

“You were hurting, too, Harry,” Liam says softly.

“That didn’t give me the right to cheat on him!” Harry yells. Louis winces at the words, remembering all too vividly that night.

Louis had come back to an unlocked flat, clothes thrown all over, the sound of creaking bed coming from their bedroom, and a moan that belonged to Harry. Louis ran into their bedroom, finding his boyfriend pounding into some blonde bloke. Louis yelled until he couldn’t breathe anymore, crying and screaming and throwing anything he could get his hands on. The blonde man quickly grabbed his clothes and left and Louis barely noticed, his vision bleary. Harry never once fought back.

“No, you’re right. You were stupid, and you messed up, but you were hurting and you were drunk,” Liam reminds him.

“I hated seeing him with Eleanor, Liam. I couldn’t fucking stand it. It wasn’t fucking fair. He was never home at that point. I never saw him because he needed to be with Eleanor and we weren’t allowed to do anything together. Not even stay at the same hotel anymore, and that wasn’t fucking fair. None of it was fair. And Louis seemed okay with it. Like it was hurting me a lot more than it was hurting him and every time I talked to him about it he told me it was for the best. Like it didn’t even faze him!” Harry yelled.

“You were both wrong in this whole thing, Harry. You shouldn’t have cheated, but he shouldn’t have blown you off all the time. He became too much of a puppet for those greedy bastards,” Liam says, anger in his voice. Louis curls in on himself a little, guilt weighing heavily in his chest.

“I still love him,” Harry whispers so quietly Louis isn’t sure he actually heard him correctly.

“Harry-“ Liam begins, but Harry cuts him off.

“No. Listen. I never stopped loving him. Ever. I haven’t had a relationship since Louis. I don’t want another relationship unless it’s with Louis. But that isn’t going to happen, so I’ve considered adopting a few cats and dying alone with them,” Harry grunts. “Fuck, he’s my everything. So many nights I laid in bed with my phone and stared at his name, debating if I should call him. But I knew I shouldn’t, because he hates my guts. And I don’t blame him,” Harry sulks.

Louis frowns, his gut twisting. Harry never got over Louis. Harry thinks Louis hates him. Harry knows he fucked up. Harry loves Louis.

And Louis still loves Harry.

“Babe? There you are! I was looking for you,” Grace calls, smiling at Louis and walking over. “It’s time for our first dance.”

“Oh, yeah, sorry. I had to use the toilet,” Louis stammers, his thoughts foggy. He still loves Harry.

“Ready?” Grace asks sweetly. Louis looks into her green eyes; they’re beautiful, but nothing like Harry’s. Grace is nothing like Harry. Grace isn’t Harry.

But Louis loves Grace and Grace loves Louis and Grace has never hurt Louis.

“Yeah, love, I’m ready,” Louis smiles, intertwining their fingers and walking back to the hall.

~

“Why didn’t you tell him, Harry?” Liam whispers.

“I couldn’t tell him. Before I knew it he had a girlfriend and I knew that was it. I wasn’t going to ruin it. She seems like a good girl,” Harry swallows thickly.

“She is, Harry, but she isn’t you. And it makes me so fucking angry that it’s her and not you. I wanted it to be you two. I always have,” Liam huffs.

“I wanted that, too, Liam! I had every fucking intention of proposing to him! And starting a family with him! And I fucked up!” Harry screams.

“Stop fucking saying that! Damnit, Harry! Louis is at fault as well! He didn’t see what he was doing to you! He’s the reason you started to drink! Don’t pretend that isn’t true!” Liam accuses.

“I caused him pain, Liam! I caused him so much pain!” Harry cries, tears spilling down his cheeks.

“He caused you pain, too. Your feelings matter just as much as his,” Liam whispers.

“It’s too late now. He’s married. It’s over,” Harry sobs.

“I’m so sorry, Harry,” Liam murmurs, grabbing him in his arms. Harry cries into his chest brokenly, still drunk as anything and ready to fall over at any point.

Liam rubs his back and comforts him, placing little kisses all over his head, just like old times. Not much has changed between them, and Liam is relieved.

Liam gets Harry cleaned up and drags him back into the hall, where Louis and Grace are dancing their first dance already. Harry hides his face in Liam’s neck and Liam just holds him tighter. Zayn sees the two of them, eyebrows furrowing in confusion and concern. There was never any jealous when it came to the five boys; they were a family and families love each other and help in any way they can.

Liam waits until the dance is over before he speaks to Harry. “Do you want to leave?” he asks gently. Harry nods drunkenly.

“Need to see Lou first,” he mumbles. Liam sighs because he isn’t sure if it’s a good idea, but he isn’t going to argue with a drunk Harry.

He walks him over to the wedding party table where Louis and Grace are seated. Harry looks down at Louis and suddenly wants to cry again, but doesn’t. He grabs Louis’ glass of champagne and raises it.

“I just wanted to say congratulations to the happy couple,” he slurs. “I wish you a lifetime of happiness. But Grace, I just want you to know that Louis was made for me. Louis is my other half and now you have him. I hope you take better care of him than I did. He’s a good boy. The best. So thank you for having me here to share this special day with you. To the happy couple!” he shouts obnoxiously, chugging the glass of champagne.

He sets the empty glass down on the table and then everything is black.

~

“Daddy, I want cookies!” Louis’ four-year-old son shouts in the grocery store. Louis laughs and rolls his eyes.

“Okay, fine, what kind, bud?” Louis asks, pushing the cart closer to the cookies. His son observes the wide variety of cookies, his blue eyes wide and bright.

“Those, Daddy!” he decides, pointing to the Chips Ahoy. Louis feels a sense of nostalgia as he reaches for the cookies, remembering the days when he and his four band mates were on the box. He shakes it off, tossing it into the shopping cart. His son claps happily, smiling a toothy grin at Louis. Louis smiles back, leaning down to kiss his forehead.

As Louis walks down the next aisle, his head is turned as his eyes scan over the different types of pasta. He pushes the cart right into someone who squeaks in surprise. Louis’ head snaps forward to see who he hit, and it’s none other than Harry Styles. Of course it is.

“Oh, hi,” Louis says softly. Harry looks at him and smiles warmly.

“Hey, it’s been a while,” he says.

“Yeah. The last time I saw you, you were passed out in Liam’s arms after making a heck of a speech at my wedding,” Louis reminds him.

“Ah, yeah. Sorry about that. How have you been? How is Grace?” Harry asks, hiding the bitterness in his voice.

“Uh, I’m divorced, actually. Few months ago,” Louis explains, pursing his lips.

“I’m so sorry,” Harry says honestly, locking eyes with Louis.

“Don’t be. It wasn’t working out. We were pretty miserable, so this is better,” Louis reassures. “How have you been?”

“Sober, actually,” Harry looks at the floor as he speaks, scratching the back of his neck.

“Oh, Harry. Did you go to rehab?” Louis asks, hoping he doesn’t sound pushy.

“Yeah. It um, it got a lot worse after your wedding. I’m surprised Liam didn’t tell you. He’s the one that made me go. He kept an eye on me after the wedding, and we talk once in a while now,” Harry explains.

“I’m so happy you’re clean now, Harry. That’s really great,” Louis praises. He knows it’s his fault. Louis pushed him to drink. And it got worse because of Louis.

“Yeah, thanks, Louis. Means a lot to me. So, are you going to introduce me to this little guy?” Harry smiles, ruffling the boy’s hair, who giggles in response.

“Well, Harry, this is my son, uh, Harry,” Louis flushes. “You know, after you.”

“Oh,” Harry whispers. He swears his knees almost buckle when he hears that. “That’s…wow. Um, thank you.”

“I, um-yeah. You’re welcome,” Louis stumbles over his words, cheeks turning redder.

“Hey, buddy. We have the same name, did you know that?” Harry says to the little boy, squatting down to speak to him.

“Harry?” the little boy asks.

“Yeah. I’m Harry,” Harry says with a smile. Louis feels like his heart is going to burst inside of his chest.

“You have cool hair, Harry,” the little boy announces, reaching out to touchy the unruly curls. Louis giggles to himself, watching his son pet Harry’s hair.

“I’m glad you like my hair, bud,” Harry says with a grin and stands up.

“So, uh, are you seeing anyone?” Louis asks.

“Nope. Been pretty focused on myself lately between rehab and working on my music,” Harry says honestly.

“Music?” Louis asks interestedly, quirking an eyebrow.

“Yeah. I started writing more and more and I’ve been working with Ed in the studio. Acoustic stuff, mostly. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but we’ll see, I suppose,” Harry shrugs.

“That’s amazing, Haz. I always told you what an incredible talent you have,” Louis smiles. Harry grins back.

“Yeah, thanks. You have a lot of talent, too, Lou. I remember how great you were with writing and acting,” Harry says.

“I guess. Been writing a little bit, seeing what I can come up with. The acting thing, I don’t know. For a while I wanted to pursue it but then Harry came along and I don’t know. Things change,” Louis smiles sadly, eyes falling to the floor. Harry just nods in agreement.

“Hey, do you want to…come over for dinner or something tomorrow night?” Harry asks, biting his lip. Louis’ heart leaps into his throat.

“Dinner? Yeah, yeah, that sounds really, really nice, Harry,” Louis smiles. Harry’s eyes soften.

“Okay. Yeah, so, I’ll see you tomorrow night? You still have the same number?” Harry asks. Louis nods.

“Yup, never changed it. Did you move out of the loft, or are you still there?” he asks.

“Still at the loft. It’s comfortable for me, I guess. It’s just me, so,” Harry explains, small pout on his face. Louis nods.

“Yeah, well uh, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?” Louis says, his voice full of excitement.

“Yeah, does eight work?” Harry asks.

“Eight is perfect,” Louis confirms.

“Great. I’ll see you then,” he grins before kneeling down in front of the little boy.

“It was very nice meeting you, Harry,” Harry smiles, taking the boy’s small hand.

“Will I see you again, Harry?” the little boy asks, his lips pouty. Harry just looks up at Louis.

“Yeah, bud, I think you’ll see Harry again,” Louis breathes. Harry just blushes.

“See you soon, kiddo,” he says, grinning.

“Bye, Harry!” the little boy says excitedly, waving his little hand.

“See you tomorrow, Haz,” Louis murmurs, locking eyes with Harry. Harry nods in confirmation.

“See you.”

~

Louis sits in front of his closet, eyes scanning the clothing. He sighs and grabs his phone to start a group chat with Liam, Zayn, and Niall.

Boys! I have a date with Harry Styles tomorrow! Come over and help me pick an outfit?! He used to be in a boyband, you know ;)

Niall is the first to reply.

OH HELL YESSS!!!!!!!!

Then comes Zayn’s reply.

Boyband, huh? Ur goin to need to look rly good for him. My lil boy has a date :)

Then Liam’s.

O thnk god. Be there in a few

Louis smiles brightly at his phone; so glad his friends are happy about this. He knows that they always wanted it to be Harry, and Louis wishes that, too, but now he has his son who he loves more than anything, so not everything is bad.

When the doorbell rings, Louis runs to the door in his sweat pants and t-shirt. He opens the door and the three boys tackle him in a hug. Louis laughs, maybe a bit strangled as he fights back tears. This is Harry.

“We’re so happy for you, Lou,” Niall murmurs, pulling his friend closer. Louis smiles and nods.

“Thank you,” he whispers.

“Okay, we need make you look good for this popstar of yours. We want to make sure you look fuckable,” Zayn grins, tugging on Louis’ wrist.

“On the first date? Who do you think I am?” Louis gasps dramatically.

“Louis Tomlinson; huge slut for attractive boyband members, especially ones named Harry Styles,” Zayn says in an announcers voice, winking. Louis rolls his eyes.

“That was like, what, almost nine years ago. Oh my god, it’s been almost nine years since we’ve fucked,” Louis says, dumbfounded.

“That’s the last time you were with a man, Lou. Still know how everything works?” Liam teases and nudges his ribs. Louis pushes him off with a chuckle.

“I think I’m still aware of how it goes, Liam. Thank you,” Louis says, poking his tongue out at him.

“God, it’s been nine years already,” Niall says in awe, shaking his head.

“I know. It seems so crazy. I hope…I hope I’m still what he wants,” Louis mumbles.

“Oh my god, Lou. He hasn’t dated a single person in nine years and you don’t think he wants you?!” Liam shouts exasperatedly.

“Well, I mean, I don’t know. Maybe I’ve changed,” Louis shrugs, shying away.

“Harry’s probably changed, too, Louis. Nine years is a long time. But Christ, you two were so in love. Nothing is going to change those feelings. We all still like you,” Niall points out. Louis nods, sighing.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” he says defeated.

The boys finally settle on putting Louis in a pair of tight black trousers and a nice maroon jumper.

“Now, does Harry like your hair better in a quiff or fringe?” Zayn asks, grabbing Louis’ neck.

“Uh, he likes both,” Louis blushes. “I guess I look more mature with a quiff and I look younger and vulnerable with a fringe,” he shrugs.

“Put it in a fringe. It’ll get messed up once Harry is fucking him into the mattress anyway,” Liam shrugs and Louis’ mouth drops open.

“Hey! I liked little innocent Liam better! Who have you become?” Louis asks, applaud. Liam rolls his eyes and smiles. 

“It’s just true,” he shrugs.

“Wait, why are you assuming I’m the bottom now?!” Louis cries.

“Oh, c’mon, Lou. You definitely are when it comes to Harry. You’d drop to your knees at his request,” Niall says, poking Louis’ side.

“Well, I-okay, fine. But you all know it used to be me on top. I was always more dominant,” Louis defends, crossing his arms.

“We know, Louis. We heard enough on the tour bus,” Zayn says, rolling his eyes.

~

Louis sighs when he reaches Harry’s front door, the nerves kicking in. He’s had millions of dates with Harry, but this was so different. This was like a first date, and Louis can’t help but panic a bit.

He finally musters up the courage to knock on the door softly, waiting for Harry to open it, which he does in a matter of seconds.

“Hey, you made it,” Harry smiles, almost like he’s a bit surprised.

“Yeah, of course I did. Wouldn’t miss it,” Louis says honestly, walking into the flat that he and Harry used to share. He feels a sense of nostalgia, thinking of all the memories this flat had. Louis had moved out immediately once he found Harry with that man, not wanting to spend any time in that tainted place. Now that he knows Harry hasn’t been in a relationship since him and he’s still in love with him, this place isn’t so bad.

“Where’s the little guy?” Harry asks as he ushers them into the living room; it still mostly looks the same as it did when Louis was there.

“With Grace. I have full custody, but she gets him every other weekend. Judges thought I was a better parent than she was, which is true,” Louis shrugs as he sits on the couch.

“So, uh, do you want to talk about what happened with her?” Harry asks, sitting down and facing Louis, one leg on the couch, one on the floor.

“We just, I don’t know. Drifted apart, I suppose. We thought maybe if we had a baby things would get better, but things got worse. We dealt with it for a while, hoping things would get better. There was a lot of tension between us and I just…my heart wasn’t in it. She knew it. So right after Harry turned three we filed for divorce. I mean, I wish it all worked out, but you can’t force a relationship, you know?” Louis explains. Harry nods and hums in response.

“Well I’m sorry it didn’t work out, really. Did she…know about us?” he asks.

“Well she didn’t until you’re mini speech at our wedding. Then I had no choice but to explain myself,” Louis says with a small smile. Harry chuckles, turning red.

“Yeah, sorry about that. But Harry seems like a great kid,” Harry says with a massive grin, butterflies in his stomach as the name rolls off of his tongue. Louis’ cheeks heat up.

“Yeah, he’s great. He’s well behaved and affectionate and he’s good company,” Louis confirms.

“How did you decide to name him after me?” Harry asks after a moment.

“I…I don’t know. You were a big part of my life. We both fucked up our relationship, and I still-“ Louis cuts off, shutting his mouth quickly

“You still what?” Harry asks softly.

“I still love you,” Louis whispers. Harry’s breath hitches in his throat.

“Lou-“ Harry starts, but Louis cuts him off.

“I, erm, heard you, the night of my wedding. While you were in the bathroom with Liam, telling him you still loved me and all that. And I…I never stopped loving you. But I also loved Grace and I wanted to make it work, because she never hurt me, Harry. You did,” Louis says with a thick voice.

“Louis,” Harry murmurs, reaching out to touch Louis’ thigh, but Louis flinches.

“It wasn’t fair, Harry. None of it was fair. Everything was so fucked up and I just wanted you and wanted to make us work but I couldn’t trust you after what you did. I would never cheat on you,” Louis sobs, wiping his tears angrily from his face. Harry grimaces, his face contorted in pain.

“I’m so sorry, Louis. I’m so sorry,” Harry breathes, pulling Louis into his arms. Louis doesn’t fight him on it, simply buries his face into his chest. This seems so achingly familiar for them both. “I love you, Louis. I never stopped. It was always you,” he murmurs.

Louis doesn’t reply right away, so Harry just rubs his back softly, letting him cry it out. Louis isn’t sure he ever wants to move from Harry’s arms.

“I hurt you, Harry. I hurt you so much. I know I did. I know I fucked up. I wasn’t around enough and I didn’t take care of you the right way. I let you go and I swore I never would. I made you drink. It’s my fault,” Louis whimpers helplessly, clawing at Harry’s chest.

“Hey, hey, shh. It’s okay, I got you. I’m fine now, yeah? Haven’t touched a drink in a year and a half. We fucked up, Lou. We both fucked up,” Harry murmurs sadly and comfortingly.

They stay like that for a while, just holding one another, just how they always did when times got rough. They held each other as long as they needed to, and here they were, nine years later, doing that again.

“Do you want to eat? I made spaghetti,” Harry asks softly. Louis sniffles and nods.

“Yeah, okay,” he whispers. They reluctantly pull out of their embrace, but Harry intertwines their fingers and brings them into the kitchen. Everything is the same. They’ve done this before. Nothing has changed.

The two men sit down to the table and eat quietly. Harry makes sure to intertwine their ankles under the table, as always, and steals as many glances as he can of the beautiful man in front of him.

The silence wasn’t awkward; it was comforting. When they were together, comfortable silence is what they lived by. They didn’t need to communicate verbally to be satisfied. Stealing touches and kisses and occasional murmurs of ‘I love you’ were enough. Until their silence became uncomfortable and tense and everything fell apart. This silence wasn’t like that, though. They were content.

After they finish eating, Harry cleans up their plates, placing them in the sink and bringing Louis back to the living room.

“How about we…go to your bedroom instead?” Louis suggests quietly, taking Harry’s hand and pressing himself to Harry’s side. Harry simply nods, not trusting himself to speak.

They quietly and slowly walk to Harry’s bedroom, the bedroom that used to belong to the both of them. They crawl into bed, just like they normally would have, and cuddle up to one another; Harry’s arms circling Louis, Louis’ face pressed to Harry’s chest. They stay like that for a while.

“I miss this,” Louis says quietly, his small hand pawing at Harry’s stomach.

“Me, too, Lou. So much,” Harry replies honestly, placing a kiss on Louis’ forehead softly, something that used to be a normal occurrence. Now though, it just makes Louis’ heart pound in his chest.

“Kiss me,” Louis breathes, tilting his chin up. Harry looks down at him, putting his finger underneath his stubbly chin and leaning down, pressing his lips softly against Louis’ and there it is.

Louis never had this with Grace, this spark, this magic. Harry, though, there was always so much love and tenderness, no matter how many kisses they shared, it was always there.

Louis felt like he was home again.

Harry gently presses Louis to the bed, letting him lay on his back. Harry gets between his legs, diving down and catching his lips again and yes, this is what Louis has been missing.

Louis’ arms circle Harry’s neck, pulling him closer, their hips pressed together. Neither of them rut together, though, because they want to make this last; they want to make it count.

Harry pulls away to catch his breath, looking down at the man below him. He gently caresses his cheek, pressing a kiss to his jaw. “So beautiful, Lou. Always,” he murmurs into the skin. Louis hums softly, not sure what to say.

“Missed you so much. Never stopped loving you, Louis,” Harry says lowly, kissing down the column of Louis’ neck.

“Harry,” Louis whines quietly, running his fingers through the curly hair.

“What, babe?” Harry answers softly, the nickname familiar and warm and Louis feels so content.

“I love you,” he whispers. Harry doesn’t reply for a moment, letting the words soak in.

“Say it again,” he commands gently.

“I love you, Harry,” Louis breathes, running his small hands down Harry’s clothed torso. Harry closes his eyes, his heart swelling in his chest. He missed this so much.

Harry’s fingers found the hem of Louis’ shirt, pulling it up and above Louis’ head. Harry’s eyes searched Louis’ tattoos, his brain foggy. Almost all of those tattoos are for Harry.

Harry leans down, kissing over Louis’ beating heart. Louis’ breath hitches slightly, watching Harry carefully. Harry takes off his own shirt and he feels Louis’ eyes raking over him. Louis’ small hands come up to brush the inked birds on his chest.

“Represents freedom, something we never got,” Louis whispers sadly. Harry nods solemnly, taking Louis’ hands in his.

“We have it now,” he promises, kissing the inside of his right palm.

Harry kisses Louis’ lips again, brushing his thumbs over Louis’ knuckles. He let’s go of his hands, breaking away from their kiss. His hands fall to Louis’ trousers, unbuttoning them and slowly pulling down the zipper. Louis sits on his elbows, watching Harry.

Harry pulls the material down, dragging his underwear with them. Louis’ hard cock springs up and falls on his belly. Harry licks his lips at the sight. He places a light kiss to the underside of Louis’ member, and the older man just squirms.

“I missed you so much,” Harry murmurs, opening Louis’ legs and kissing his inner thighs. “Missed these thighs. These thick, strong thighs,” he says, nibbling on the right thigh. Louis’ breathing speeds up a bit.

“Missed your tummy. So soft,” Harry says quietly, kissing over the skin of his stomach, rubbing it with his large hands.

“Perky little nipples,” he whispers, rolling the nubs between his fingers. Louis gasps at the contact.

“Your strong arms,” Harry adds, pulling Louis’ arms out to his sides. He kisses the insides of his biceps, licking over Louis’ ‘FAR AWAY’ tattoo. “Where we always wanted to go. Far, far away. Get away from all the bullshit. We never made it there.”

Louis suddenly wants to cry. They’ve made sweet love before, too many times to count. Murmuring sweet nothings to each other and taking it slow. But this, this was something entirely different. This was by far the most intimate they’ve been. Everything is familiar yet so new and different and overwhelming.

Harry’s lips press against Louis’ compass tattoo on his forearm. “I always followed you, Lou. You lead the way, and I just followed. You always brought me back home. Until I got lost at sea without you. Been stuck there for nine years,”

Louis can’t help the small sob that escapes his throat. “I’m right here, Harry. I found you,” he whispers, carding his hands through Harry’s curls.

“Remember when we first met, Lou?” Harry asks softly, his thumb running over Louis’ ‘Oops!’ tattoo. Louis nods quickly, looking at the tattoo.

“Course I do. Remember it like it was yesterday. Didn’t know you’d have such a big part in my life. I just thought you were cute and took a risk by saying hi,” Louis giggles quietly. Harry smiles softly.

“And I was the dork in the bathroom who was tripping over his own feet right into the cute boy in front of me,” Harry reminisces. Louis smiles fondly at the memory.

“You’re still a dork,” Louis mumbles, kissing him. Harry smiles into the kiss, thumbing across his jaw.

“Suppose I am,” he mutters.

Louis’ hand finds Harry’s left bicep, tracing his finger over his ‘Can I Cry?’ tattoo. He then thumbs over his ‘might as well…’ tattoo on his hip. “Don’t cry anymore, sweetie. I’m here, no more reason to cry,” he pleads. Harry nods, closing his eyes.

“No more crying,” he whispers, nuzzling his face into Louis’ neck. Louis pulls off Harry’s pants and underwear, leaving both men bare.

“Still look amazing,” Louis breathes, hands roaming the toned muscles of Harry’s lean body.

“Same goes for you, love,” Harry smiles softly. “Turn over, yeah?” he asks, his voice a bit shaky.

Louis obliges easily, turning onto his stomach and sitting up a bit on his knees. Harry presses his chest to Louis’ back, turning Louis’ head and kissing him deeply. Louis moans into it, craving more, but Harry breaks away. He removes himself from Louis, and the older man feels large, strong hands on his soft ass. Harry grabs each cheek, pressing and pulling them together gently. Louis closes his eyes.

“Always loved your bum. So round and soft. Fucking perfect,” Harry mutters, kissing his right cheek before sinking his teeth into the pale flesh. Louis gasps slightly, using all of his willpower not to rut against the mattress.

Harry’s tongue is suddenly dipping inside of Louis’ pink little hole and Louis shivers. He grips the pillow under his chin tightly.

Harry’s tongue traces the puckered skin, poking inside on occasion. Louis whimpers into the pillow, whining out Harry’s name.

“Does that feel good, baby?” Harry asks softly, opening Louis up with his tongue.

“Yes, god yes,” Louis moans, hiding his face and gripping the sheets.

Harry licks a flat stripe against his hole, moving his hands to Louis’ thick thighs and digging his nails into the skin. He places a sloppy kiss over his entrance before rolling Louis over. Louis looks up at him, eyes full of tears. Whether it’s from pleasure or emotions, Harry isn’t sure and right now, doesn’t want to know.

“God, I love you so much, Louis. I never want to lose you ever again. I’m going to look after you forever, okay? No more pain. No more hurt,” Harry speaks lowly, pressing their lips together firmly.

“Love you, Harry,” Louis sighs.

“Gonna make you feel so good, sweetheart,” Harry whispers, grabbing a bottle of lube from his nightstand. Louis’ breath hitches slightly; it’s been so long and he’s aching for it.

“Yeah, yeah,” Louis nods in agreement, eyes falling to Harry’s flushed cock, hard and thick, ready for him. Louis swallows and tries to even out his breathing.

Harry spreads Louis’ legs wide, pouring the silky liquid onto his long, slim digits. His index finger rubs softly against Louis’ tight entrance that hasn’t been opened up in almost nine years.

“Have there been any guys besides me?” Harry asks softly, his eyes trained on his finger sliding into the older man. Louis squirms a bit, adjusting.

“No, no. Only you. Didn’t want anyone else,” Louis says honestly, reaching for Harry’s free hand and intertwining their fingers, laying it on Louis’ tummy. Harry nods in relief, wishing he could say the same.

“Those blue eyes of yours never lost their sparkle, “ Harry observes quietly, pressing a second digit into Louis.

“That’s only because I’m with you,” Louis reveals. When he was with Grace and he looked in the mirror, he always look so drained and his eyes were dull. Now, though, he was sure his eyes were bright and electric.

Harry nuzzles his face into Louis’ neck at that.

The younger man slips in a third finger, scissoring Louis carefully and thoroughly. He brushes over that sensitive spot and Louis’ back arches off of the bed, his untouched cock twitching.

“Harry, please, I’m ready,” Louis pleads. Harry nods once, sliding his fingers out and wiping them on the sheets beside him.

Harry coats himself with lube generously, hovering over Louis. He positions himself correctly, teasing Louis’ hole with his head. Louis whines impatiently. Harry pushes in gently and Louis’ mouth falls open at the new intrusion.

“Okay?” Harry asks, concerned. Louis nods weakly.

“Y-yeah. Been a long time,” Louis whispers, gripping Harry’s broad shoulders to balance himself. Harry grabbed Louis’ hips, slowly pushing in further. Louis bit his lip, closing his eyes. This was Harry. Harry was inside of him, filling him up for the first time in nine years. He smells the same as he always did, his green eyes the same shade, his tattoos exactly how he remembered them; he was still Harry, and everything felt right.

Harry seats himself fully inside, taking a shuddering breath. Louis was so tight it made his eyes roll back in his head. The familiar warmth made his heart melt and he knew this wouldn’t last as long as he wanted it to.

“I love you, I love you,” Harry moans, pulling out and pushing back in. Louis cries out, digging his nails into Harry’s back. “Say my name, Lou,” he grunts, picking up a rhythm once he’s sure Louis is comforting.

“Harry,” Louis pants, feeling himself stretch open around Harry. “Make me feel so good, Harry. Love you so much, Harry,” he breathes. Harry shudders, nodding.

“Yeah, Lou. Just like that. Fuck,” Harry groans, wrapping Louis’ legs around his waist and holding onto his thighs.

“Harry, Harry, Harry,” Louis moans, full of lust. And when Harry finds that sweet spot, Louis screams out Harry’s name, holding onto his shoulders for dear life.

“Fuck, Lou. Oh, fuck,” Harry curses, hitting that spot again. Louis whimpers, hiding his face in Harry’s neck.

“Harry, I-I…” Louis trails off, his nails digging into Harry’s skin, enough to give him deep, red scratches. Harry doesn’t mind.

“What, sweetie? Talk to me,” Harry urges, his thrusts deep and meaningful.

“I’m…I’m close,” Louis gasps. Harry takes hold of his cock and pumps him three times before Louis is crying out Harry’s name and spilling all over their torsos. Harry watches Louis’ eyes squeeze shut, his mouth forming into the shape of an ‘O’ and the delicious sound of his name. That’s all Harry needs before he’s groaning and coming hard and hot inside of Louis, filling him up to the brim.

They both stay still for a moment, catching their breaths as they stare longingly into each other’s eyes. Harry gently pulls himself out, getting up and walking to the bathroom. Louis watches his little ass walking away and sighs to himself happily. He has Harry.

Harry comes back with a damp flannel. He climbs into bed, wiping the come off of Louis’ torso, then gently wiping between his legs before he cleaned himself. Louis quickly snuggles into Harry’s arms, holding him tight.

“I’ll never let you go again, Harry,” Louis says softly, pressing his face into Harry’s chest.

“Never again. Tired of being without you,” Harry sighs. “Go to sleep, honey. We can talk more tomorrow, okay?”

“Yeah. I love you,” Louis adds, kissing one of the inked birds on his chest.

“Love you more, Lou. So much more.”

~

Grace opens the door, holding Harry on her hip. “Hi,” she greets, smiling a bit.

“Hey,” Louis replies, picking Harry up into his arms. “Hi, buddy. How are you?”

“Good, Daddy!” Harry grins, wrapping his little arms around Louis’ neck.

“Ready to go home, bud?” Louis asks, kissing his cheek. The little boy nods.

“Yeah,” he answers.

“So, I’ll see you in two weeks?” Louis asks Grace, taking Harry’s bag from her.

“Yeah, sounds good,” she nods. She says goodbye to their son before Louis is out the door and walking to the car. Once Louis gets him in, he gasps.

“Harry!” he shouts happily. Harry turns around in the front seat, smiling at the little boy.

“Hey, bud!” Harry exclaims excitedly.

“What’s he doing here, Daddy?” the little boy asks Louis. Louis smiles brightly, looking over at his boyfriend, then back at his son.

“How would you feel about Harry being your daddy, too?”


	2. but we're making all the same mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and Louis get married and Harry is a relapsing alcoholic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this may be triggering since it's about alcoholism so read with caution

It’s only been a couple of months since Harry stumbled back into Louis’ life, but it’s like he never left. Little Harry quickly adjusted to big Harry and it warmed Louis’ heart to know that his son was accepting of his new boyfriend. To avoid confusion, little Harry was now going by his middle name, Luke, which he admitted that he liked better than the name Harry anyway, and big Harry pretended to be completely offended by the statement, which only made Luke giggle.

Harry is more in love with Louis than he ever thought possible, and all he wants to do was propose, but wants to make it really special, and isnt’ exactly sure how to manage it. Louis falls asleep early that night, so Harry tucks Luke in.

“Hey, Luke, how would you feel about me marrying Daddy?” he asks, pulling the covers over his small body. Luke’s mouth falls open and he puts his hands on his cheeks.

“That’d be so cool!” Luke exclaims and Harry grins like an idiot.

“Do you want to help me ask him? But we have to make a really good plan and surprise him, okay?” Harry asks and Luke nods quickly.

“I want to help!” he says confidently and Harry ruffles his hair and smiles.

“Okay, bud. So this is what we’re going to do.”

~

“Daddy, Daddy! I have a present for you!” Luke screams, jumping on Louis’ bed. Louis groans, turning and grabbing Luke and tickling him.

“I was sleeping, young man!” Louis growls, laughing as Luke giggles.

“This is better than sleep, Daddy!” Luke shouts, grinning.

“Oh, really? What is it, then?” Louis challenges. Luke huffs a little sound before pulling a piece of folded paper out of his tiny pocket.

“Papa told me to give this to you,” he says with a nod. Louis can’t help but smile at the name ‘Papa’ they settled on. Louis takes it curiously and opens it up and starts reading it.

I’ve been thinking for weeks of a perfect way to do this. I hope this way is good and I really hope it works. Louis, those years we spent apart were like hell on earth and if I ever have to go through it again, I’m telling you, I’ll kill myself. You’re the sunshine of my life and without you, life isn’t worth living and I hope you feel the same way. You and Luke have made me so unbelievably happy and I hope we can expand our family soon. I love coming home to your faces and go around bragging that I have you guys in my life. I never want to lose you again and I really hope you’ll allow me to stay in your life forever this time. I fucked up big time, I know I did and I can never apologize enough. But you mean the world to me and I was an idiot. I hope we can move past that forever and build our life up together one step at a time. Here’s our next step, babe.

-Harry

Louis had tears in his eyes and he looks at Luke, who just smiles.

“Papa asked me if it was okay if he marries you,” Luke tells him and Louis chuckles wetly.

“What did you tell him?” Louis asks.

“I told him he can marry you because you smile a whole lot when you’re with Papa,” Luke shrugs and Louis has to wipe the falling tears.

“Yeah, bud. I do smile a lot with Papa,” he smiles, kissing Luke’s forehead. Suddenly, there’s the sound of a guitar being strung. Louis looks to the corner of the room and notices Harry’s guitar is no longer leaning against the wall and his heart is fluttering in his chest.

Harry walks into the room, grinning widely before he starts to sing.

Wendy, run away with me

I know I sound crazy, don’t you see what you do to me?

I want to be your lost boy, your last chance, a better reality

Wendy, we can get away

I promise if you’re with me, say the word and we’ll find a way

And I can be your lost boy, your last chance, your everything better plan

Oh, somewhere in Neverland

Luke giggles while Louis cries and Harry is smiling so wide his cheeks hurt.

“Lou, will you marry me?” Harry asks softly, reaching over and holding Louis’ smaller hand in his.

“God, yes, of course. A thousand times yes, Harry,” Louis chokes out, launching forward and kissing his fiancé quickly. Harry pulls out a small box from his back pocket, pulling out a silver ring and slipping it onto Louis’ left ring finger. Louis lets out a quiet sob, grinning.

“I’ve wanted to do this since I was 16 years old,” Harry murmurs, kissing Louis’ lips again.

“I love you so much, Harry. So, so much,” Louis mumbles into his mouth and Harry smiles.

“I love you, too, babe,” Harry replies softly and Luke sighs loudly.

“I’m bored. Can I go play now?” Luke asks, crossing his arms. Louis and Harry burst into a fit of giggles before Harry picks him into his arms and puts him on his lap.

“Only if Daddy and I are allowed to play with you,” Harry says and Luke sighs again.

“Fine, Papa,” Luke caves and Harry laughs, blowing a raspberry on his cheek, making the little boy giggle.

That night, Louis kisses Harry senseless once they’re sure Luke is asleep. He straddles the younger boy and licks into his mouth, holding him close. “You’re going to be my husband,” he groans into Harry’s mouth, rutting against his groin.

“We’re going to be a real family,” Harry confirms, holding Louis’ hips harder.

“I can’t wait to put a ring on your finger and let everyone know you’re mine,” Louis says possessively. Harry moves his hands and squeezes Louis’ ass cheeks and Louis squeaks in surprise.

“I’ve wanted this for so fucking long,” Harry growls, flipping them over and getting between Louis’ legs. Their clothes come off quickly and carelessly and Harry is scissoring Louis with two fingers while sucking him off. Louis throws his hands into Harry’s curls and arches his back off the bed.

“God, Harry. I want your cock. I want you to fuck me so hard. Want you so badly,” Louis gasps as a third finger is added. Harry nuzzles Louis’ tummy with his nose, sucking him down further. He hallows out his cheeks and swallows around him, milking sweet moans out of his fiancé. When Harry feels Louis’ velvety walls clenching around his fingers tightly, he pulls his fingers out quickly, not wanting Louis to come this way.

“I’m gonna take such good care of you, baby. Promise,” Harry purrs into Louis’ ear and Louis feels a shiver run down his spine. Harry coats his cock with lube, pulling Louis’ legs up and placing his ankles onto his shoulders and pushing in swiftly. Louis shudders and holds Harry’s biceps tightly, throwing his head back.

“Fuck,” Louis breathes, Harry presses himself inside fully, stroking Louis’ thighs and kissing all over his calves.

“So tight for me, baby. You’re so flexible. Look amazing all stretched out for me,” Harry praises, kissing the screw tattoo on the inside of his ankle.

“How did I ever live without this?” Louis asks in awe, holding Harry’s biceps so hard it’ll probably leave bruises.

“I used lots of alcohol,” Harry says with a grin, pulling out before thrusting back in.

“Not funny, Harry,” Louis says, gasping.

“Sorry,” Harry mutters, picking up a rhythm with his thrusts. His hands run down Louis’ legs, moving down to his hips and up his torso, rolling his nipples between his fingers. Louis whines high in his throat; his nipples were always sensitive and a secret weak spot on him that not even Grace knew about, only Harry.

Louis feels precome leaking and pooling into his belly button as he gets closer to his release, his hole tightening around Harry as he scrapes his nails down Harry’s pecks.

“Are you getting close?” Harry asks lowly, pounding in harder. Louis nods brokenly, letting out a sob.

“Y-yeah,” he chokes out, gasping loudly. Harry gives another hard thrust right to Louis’ prostate and Louis comes with a moan of Harry’s name, crying out.

“God, I love you,” Harry growls before coming deep inside of Louis, riding out his orgasm. He sighs contently, pulling out and falling next to his lover. Louis finds his hand and intertwines their fingers together, turning his neck and looking at Harry.

“I’m so happy this is my life now. You and Luke make me so happy,” Louis says softly, squeezing Harry’s hand.

“I feel the same way, baby. Do you…do you want more kids? You know, after the wedding and all that,” Harry asks. They never talked about kids because they were so involved in getting things back to normal and getting back into their routine that they didn’t really focus on the future quite yet.

“Yeah, Harry. I really would like two or three more, if I’m honest. I mean, I don’t know how we’ll go about it but we can figure that out after the wedding and all that,” Louis says, smiling softly. The thought of having more babies with Harry makes his stomach tingle with butterflies.

“Two or three more, huh? We’re going to be real busy,” Harry teases and Louis just smiles.

“I like chaos, Harold. You know that well enough,” he grins, leaning over and kissing the corner of Harry’s mouth.

“And I love you for it,” Harry confirms, kissing him back.

~

The wedding is perfect. Usually, Louis is terrible with planning and he’s so disorganized that nothing ever goes right, but when it came to the wedding, Louis was focused and organized with Harry’s help. He felt like a little girl planning out her fantasy wedding, but he loved every second of it and wasn’t afraid to admit it.

Louis is sitting at the wedding party table, smiling at the scene around him, Harry sitting next to him with his hand on his thigh and takes a sip of-wait, Harry’s drinking beer.

“Harry, is that…are you drinking?” Louis asks, his voice low. Harry looks at him with a lopsided grin.

“Yeah, it’s a special occasion, Lou. Just a few drinks won’t hurt. C’mon, lighten up,” Harry says, kissing Louis’ clean-shaven cheek. Louis sighs and squeezes Harry’s hand that’s lying on his thigh.

“Fine, just…only a couple, yeah? I don’t want to be dragging you out of here. Besides,” Louis says, his voice getting low as he leans over to whisper in his ear. “I need you sober to bend me over and fuck me like a good husband would on our wedding night,” he purrs and Harry grins filthily and murmurs in Louis’ ear.

“Can we pretend you’re the pure virgin wife?”

“I’m already ahead of you. I have the lingerie waiting in the hotel room,” Louis whispers and Harry isn’t sure if this is Louis teasing him and toying with his emotions, or if he’s being completely serious and Harry is in for a real treat tonight.

~

Louis wasn’t lying.

“Jesus Christ, you didn’t,” Harry says lowly when Louis walks into the hotel room wearing a little red lace nightie and matching lace panties, his eyes rimmed with eyeliner and his eyelashes elongated with mascara. “I cannot believe this is real.”

“I don’t mess around,” Louis giggles. “Now, hubby, make sure you’re gentle with me and my little virgin ass.”

“Fuck, come over here right now. Let me take care of you,” Harry says possessively. Louis grins and saunters over to his new husband. He climbs onto the bed and straddles the younger boy, loosely wrapping his arms around Harry’s neck.

“I want this to be special, since it’s my first time and all,” Louis says innocently, brushing his fingers through the hairs on the back of Harry’s head.

“It will be, I promise. I’ll show you just how much I love you,” Harry says lowly, his voice soft and fond.

“I love you,” Louis whispers into his ear, kissing down the column of his neck.

“I love you, too, Lou. So much,” Harry says softly, rubbing Louis’ soft thighs. Louis trails his hands down, unbuttoning Harry’s shirt slowly, revealing the inked birds and smiling; he loved those stupid tattoos so much. Louis left the shirt open, stroking the birds and tracing the outlines.

“I’m so glad we flew to each other,” Louis whispers, leaning down and kissing Harry’s prominent collarbone. He takes off Harry’s shirt completely and tosses it aside gingerly.

“Let’s-let’s keep this on, yeah?” Harry says, tugging on the lace. Louis smirks and nods.

“Yeah, okay. Whatever you want, hubby,” Louis muses, gliding his hands down Harry’s torso and unbuttoning Harry’s dress pants. He pulls them down, releasing his hard cock onto his stomach. Louis hums low in his throat in approval. “Look how big you are. Can’t wait for you to be inside me.”

Harry hums and helps Louis pull down his pants fully. Harry slowly pulls off Louis’ red panties, despite how badly he wants to keep them on. Louis steps out of them, his cock peaking out underneath the short nightgown.

“Let’s open you up,” Harry murmurs, rolling them over and putting Louis on his back. The older boy opens his legs willingly, spreading them wide. “Slutty virgin, hmm?”

“Been waiting a long time for this magical day,” Louis teases, spreading his legs just that much wider and sighing out dramatically.

“I promise you won’t be disappointed,” Harry assures, kissing the column of his neck. Louis moans in approval, giving his hair affirmative tug.

Harry reaches over to grab a bottle of lube off of the nightstand, pouring the clear, silky liquid onto his slender digits and presses the tip of his middle finger to the puckered skin. He pushes in gently, twisting in and settling, his motions soft and easy. Louis is humming in approval, hands still in his husband’s hair.

“Remember when you were afraid to top,” Louis says suddenly, gasping when a second finger finds its way inside of him. Harry chuckles lowly, scissoring his lover carefully.

“Bloody terrified is more like it. I used to be such a bottom. The roles have reversed though, huh?” Harry muses and Louis giggles.

“I happen to really like bottoming. Love your fingers in me and your huge cock fucking me,” Louis says, trying to fuck down on Harry’s fingers.

“Such a slut for me. Biggest cockslut I know,” Harry murmurs lowly, mouthing at Louis’ hipbones, which makes the smaller boy squirm slightly.

“Yeah, your cockslut. Please, Harry, c’mon,” Louis whines, his cock leaking onto his belly.

“Think you’re ready for my big cock, baby? Might hurt, being your first time and all,” Harry grins devilishly, pressing a third finger into him making Louis’ jaw clench.

“Fuck, don’t care,” Louis moans, his cock twitching.

“You’re so hot for it, aren’t you, baby?” Harry observes, leaving a light bruise on his right hipbone.

“Yes, yes, yes,” Louis chants. Harry smirks, pulling his fingers out of his hole carefully, grabbing more lube and coating his cock fully. He wraps Louis’ legs around his waist, holding his cock in his hand and tracing his head against Louis. Louis groans loudly, grabbing Harry’s hips and tugging his fingers into the skin underneath him. Harry grins devilishly, finally pressing himself in, moving slowly before bottoming out. Louis can’t help but cry out in ecstasy, clawing at Harry’s torso. 

“You look so pretty like this, princess. Look at you with that make up, trying to impress your new husband. Gonna fuck you open and make you scream out my name. You want that, baby?” Harry asks innocently, teasingly rolling his hips against Louis’ hips.

“Yeah, Harry, want you so bad. Make me come without my cock being touched,” Louis begs.

“Anything you want,” Harry says lowly, leaning down and nipping on his lover’s bottom lip.

“C’mon, Harry, just fuck me. Please,” Louis whines impatiently. Harry holds his hips, pulling himself in before slamming in, hitting Louis’ prostate head on and making him cry out. “Fuck! God, yes! Right there!”

Harry grins at how vocal he can make Louis. He loves when he gets him so riled up he’s a screaming, withering mess. “Yeah, that’s it. Let it all out. Let me hear how good I’m making you feel,” Harry instructs, pulling back and slamming in again.

“Fuck, you’re so big,” Louis moans, throwing his head back. “So full of your cock.”

“You love being full though, hmm? Love when I take care of you,” Harry murmurs, picking up a rhythm with his hips and making Louis whimper.

“Y-yeah. Love your cock fucking me open. Love being full. Want this forever,” Louis moans, blinding reaching his hand up in search for Harry’s. Suddenly, this isn’t as rough as it was just a second ago; it’s painfully intimate and Harry feels like his insides are melting. He slows down his thrusts, taking hold of his husband’s smaller hand and intertwines their fingers, kissing the back of his palm.

“Forever, Lou. Forever and always,” Harry promises, rolling his hips in.

“Fuck me proper, Harry,” Louis says with a grin and Harry chuckles, nodding his head, his curls falling into his face. Louis moves his free hand to his face and pushes them back for him and runs his thumb over his jawline. Harry purrs into the touch, thrusting into him hard and making Louis shiver. Louis is gnawing on his bottom lip, his cock bouncing lightly on his tummy and Harry’s at a loss for words at the sight of it.

“You look so good, baby. God, wish you could see how amazing,” Harry compliments, running his free hand up the lacey nighty, pinching Louis’ sensitive nipples through the fabric. Louis’ back arches off the mattress at that and he’s crying out, his cock jerking as his orgasm hits him hard. His thick eyelashes are splayed across his cheekbones and his delicate mouth is parted, his cock spurting white ribbons falling over the red lace, and that does it for Harry. He’s coming with Louis’ name on his lips, nearly falling over at the power of his orgasm.

They’re both panting when Harry lays his forehead against Louis’, pressing kisses to his beautiful face.

“I love you, Mr. Tomlinson,” Louis breathes and Harry grins.

“Love you more, husband.”

~

“Harry, you’re home,” Louis greets, smiling at his husband as he stands at the stove making mac and cheese for Luke. “Where were you?”

“I got a new tattoo,” Harry smiles, walking over to Louis and kissing his neck.

“New tattoo? And you didn’t tell me? Let me see it,” Louis says, turning around to face him. Harry grins and gives Louis his left hand. Louis takes it and notices his wedding band isn’t there. His eyebrows furrow but when he looks closer, he notices that on his ring finger, the word Louis is tattooed on his finger in small, cursive letters. The older boy’s breath hitches and he stares up at Harry.

“So you’ll always be with me, no matter what happens. Even if I don’t have my ring, we’re always bonded,” Harry says softly and Louis whimpers.

“Oh, Harry, that’s beautiful,” he whispers, grabbing Harry’s neck and kissing him deeply. Harry smiles into it, holding Louis’ hips and pulling him closer.

~

Louis picks Luke up from school and comes home to find Harry on the couch drinking a beer.

“Luke, why don’t you go play in your room for a little while, okay?” Louis says softly, squatting down to his level and ruffling his hair. Luke nods and runs into his room. Louis stands up and walks over to the couch, sitting next to his husband.

“What’s with the beer?” Louis says without emotion, not looking at Harry. “Not a special occasion.”

Harry looks at Louis and furrows his eyebrows. “No, it’s not. I just felt like having a beer. Is there anything wrong with that?” Harry asks, his voice a bit harsh.

“Yes. Harry, before our wedding you hadn’t touched a drink in over two years. What’s going on with you?” Louis asks, turning his body to face him.

“Nothing is going on with me. I just miss the taste of alcohol. It’s not like I’m getting drunk or anything, it’s just a beer,” Harry rolls his eyes, taking a long sip. Louis grabs the beer out of his hand and puts it on the coffee table.

“Well I’m not okay with you drinking,” Louis tells him and Harry scoffs.

“You don’t have much of a say in this. It’s my life, I’ll do what I want,” Harry says, standing up and taking his beer with him, leaving the house. Louis sighs, sinking into the couch.

By midnight, Harry isn’t home yet. Louis tucks Luke into bed by himself and tells him Papa just went out for a little while. Louis curls up in bed and grabs his phone and tries to call Harry again, but his phone is still off. He sighs heavily and dials Liam’s number.

“Lou? It’s midnight. Is everything alright?” Liam asks, his voice thick with sleep.

“Um, no. Harry left around three o’clock today and hasn’t come back yet,” Louis chokes out.

“What? What do you mean left?” Liam asks, suddenly more awake.

“He…when I got home, he was drinking a beer and we had a small fight about it. I told him I didn’t want him drinking but he said it was his life and he would do what he wants. I don’t want him to relapse, Li. We have Luke and we’re looking into starting the surrogating process in a few weeks and now of all fucking times he wants to start up again. I don’t know how he was as an alcoholic but I can bet it isn’t pretty,” Louis saying, tears escaping his eyes.

“Do you want me to come over?” Liam asks softly.

“No, that’s okay. You have Zayn and the new baby. Don’t worry about me. He should be back soon, right?” Louis says, worrying his bottom lip.

“He’ll be back, Lou. Call me in the morning, okay?” Liam says.

“Yeah, of course. Thanks, Li. Goodnight,” Louis says softly, hanging up. He sighs heavily and curls up to Harry’s pillow and tries to fall asleep.

Around two, Harry comes home and falls into bed with his husband, wrapping a heavy arm around his torso and falls asleep without a word. Louis wakes up when he hears him and sighs, but puts his hand over Harry’s and intertwines their fingers, curling further into Harry’s body.

~

They don’t talk about what happened, but it doesn’t stop happening. Harry will drink a few beers but Louis stopped commenting. He hated when Harry left and didn’t tell Louis where he was going, so he would rather know he was safe at home.

“Babe, I’m going out for a little while with Luke,” Louis tells Harry one Saturday morning.

“Where are you going?” Harry asks, turning his head to look at him husband.

“’I’m meeting up with Eleanor. She wants to see Luke and catch up and stuff. She’s apparently got some gorgeous boyfriend she wants to tell me all about. I won’t be out long. We’re just going to grab lunch and maybe do a little shopping after. Need anything?”

Harry’s tense. He’s always hated Eleanor; no wait, hate wasn’t strong enough; despise is more like it. She was fine with Louis, but she was always a complete bitch when it came to Harry.

“Eleanor, huh?” Harry asks, his voice bitter.

“Yeah. What, jealous?” Louis teases, but Harry doesn’t laugh. “Oh, come on, you can’t be serious. We never actually dated, you know. She’s just a friend of mine. Nothing to worry about,” he promises, ruffling his hair and kissing his cheek. “See you later. Love you.”

“Love you,” Harry mumbles, watching him and Luke walk out of the door. Harry stares at the wall for a moment, his stomach in knots. He gets up and walks into the kitchen and grabs a bottle of Red Stag bourbon. He stares at it for a while; it’s like looking at an old best friend you parted with years ago. “One sip,” he mumbles to himself. He takes a small shot glass and pours just a little bit in and tossing it back. All those late nights he spent curled up with a big bottle of alcohol and sobbing out Louis’ name come flooding back. Alcohol was always his partner in crime, and it helped sooth him so easily, so he fills the glass up completely, throwing his head back and downing it, before repeating himself. He knows he shouldn’t be doing it, but this whole situation is way too familiar for him.

This is how it ended the first time, Harry thinks. You’re weak. You can’t handle this again. You’re going to ruin everything again, you fuck up. He’s going to leave you just like he did all those years ago. Might as well enjoy it while you can.

Harry lets his mind take over and torture him, and when he’s had enough of it, he drinks more until his brain is numb and the voices are muffled. He stumbles over to their bedroom and collapses on their bed before falling into a deep sleep.

Louis comes home and hears Harry snoring loudly. He giggles to himself and sighs, tucking Luke into bed and getting changed into his pajamas and curling next to his husband, planting a kiss on his temple and murmuring an ‘I love you’ before falling asleep.

~

Harry never tells Louis, and Louis doesn’t suspect anything. He notices that Harry has been sleeping heavier lately and he’s usually in bed early, but he doesn’t think too much about it. He’s been stressed out over the surrogate process with Lottie and all the doctor’s appointments they’ve been attending for it. Harry doesn’t seem as into it as Louis, and it stings. They’re using Harry’s sperm, making it Harry’s child, and he’s not as excited as Louis hoped he would be.

Harry is sad. He shouldn’t be because he’s got an incredible family and he’s going to have a child of his own soon, but Louis goes out with Eleanor and hangs out with his new friends and Harry just knows he’s going to leave him again. His drinking is becoming more and more frequent; he sneaks it whenever he can. He’s even hidden a flask in his nightstand and takes a few swings to help him get to sleep. He’s back to his old habits, and it should scare him, but the alcohol has got him so convinced that this is who he is and he needs it to survive.

He’s able to hide it for almost two months before it all goes to hell. Louis leaves to go talk to his publisher about the book he’s writing and then going out to dinner with Eleanor, of course. Harry goes to his cabinet and drinks the pain away, completely forgetting he has Luke to worry about.

Harry hasn’t come in to check on Luke at all, which is uncommon. Luke leaves his bedroom and goes to find his Papa, who’s snoring loudly on the couch. Luke just assumes he’s fallen asleep, so he tries to wake him up. Harry only moves slightly, snoring even louder. Luke pouts and goes back into his room.

When Louis comes back, Harry is still passed out on the couch. He rolls his eyes because that’s all Harry seems to do anymore is sleep. He goes into Luke’s bedroom and sees him playing with his toys.

“Hey, bud,” Louis smiles and Luke looks up and runs over to him.

“Daddy! You’re home! Papa is been asleep for a long time. I didn’t have any dinner yet and I’m really hungry,” Luke whines.

“What? You didn’t eat yet? It’s past seven o’clock. How long has Papa been sleeping?” Louis asks.

“A really long time,” Luke answers.

“C’mon. Daddy will make you dinner,” Louis says, picking Luke up into his arms and taking him into the kitchen.

The whole time Louis is cooking, his body is tense with anger. He can’t believe Harry would fall asleep the whole night and forget about their son. Unless…shit.

“Lukey, I have to go check on Papa for a second, okay?” Louis says suddenly, wiping his hands on the dishtowel and walking into the kitchen. He didn’t really get a good look of his husband when he first came in, but now he can see an empty bottle of vodka lying on the floor and the stench of alcohol is strong.

“Son of a bitch,” Louis mutters, picking up the bottle and wanting to bash it over Harry’s head but decides against it. He feds Luke and gives him a bath before tucking him in for bed and reading him a story.

“Why doesn’t Papa ever tuck me in anymore? Did he stop loving me?” Luke asks, his bottle lip trembling slightly. Louis’ heart aches and he’s beyond angry.

“No, baby. Papa still loves you very much. He’s just been…sick. I’m gonna make sure he gets better though, okay?” Louis promises, running a hand through Luke’s hair. The little boy nods and Louis kisses his forehead. “Go to sleep, okay, bud? Tomorrow I’ll make waffles! How does that sound?”

“Good!” Luke agrees and Louis smiles, kissing him again and turning off his light before leaving the room.

Louis desperately wants to wake Harry up and yell at him, but he won’t with Luke in the house and Harry will probably just be drunk and groggy and that won’t be of any use. Instead, he goes into his bedroom and calls Liam: something he always does when he’s in trouble.

“Li, I need you,” Louis whimpers, his feelings getting the best of him.

“Okay, take a deep breath first. Tell me what’s going on,” Liam says firmly, always having a strong hold on his emotions.

“Harry. Harry passed out while drinking today while he was supposed to be watching Luke. Luke doesn’t think Harry loves him anymore because he barely spends time with him anymore and I want to confront Harry but I can’t do it with Luke in the house because it’s going to get ugly,” Louis sighs, his body starting to shake thinking about it.

“Let me and Zayn take Luke tomorrow. You can have the day to sort this out and if something happens or if he lays one hand on you, Louis, I swear to god, you better call me immediately,” Liam growls and Louis’ heart swells.

“I will, Li. Thank you so much.”

~

Once Luke is out of the house and with Liam and Zayn, Louis builds up enough confidence to talk to Harry. Harry’s on the couch watching TV with an obvious hangover. Louis goes over and turns of the television and stands in front of Harry.

“We’re getting you help,” Louis states, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Help? For what?” Harry asks groggily.

“For what? I can’t even trust you with our child! You didn’t even feed him last night, Harry! What the fuck is wrong with you?! I thought you were done with this!” Louis shouts, throwing his hands in the air. Harry doesn’t make eye contract with him, just stares at his hand and Louis lets out a strangled scream.

“Look at me when I’m talking to you!” Louis yells, grabbing Harry’s chin with his hand. “Don’t you dare act like this isn’t a big deal. I swear to god I will walk out of here with my bags and Luke and never come back. I’ve left you once, don’t make me do it again,” Louis says lowly, his breathing heavy.

Harry stays still for a moment, looking into Louis’ angry eyes, but doesn’t reply.

“Fine. If you’re not going to answer me, I’m leaving,” Louis says, gripping Harry’s face harder before letting go and going to walk out.

“No,” Harry says firmly, standing up and turning around. “No. You’re not leaving me again.”

Louis turns around and raises his eyebrows. “Really? And what are you going to do about it? I refuse to have an alcoholic husband.”

“I am not an alcoholic.”

“You’re exactly what you were only a few years ago; an alcoholic. I don’t know why I even gave you a second chance sometimes. You cheated on me and now that I thought we were happy you’re running to alcohol again! Can I ask why on earth you think that’s okay?”

“Because you’re going to leave me again anyway, Louis! Might as well make it easier on myself now.”

“You think I’m going to leave you? Do you think I would have married you if I were planning on leaving you? You think I would have had my son call you Papa if I were going to leave? You think I’d want to have more babies with you if I were going to leave you? No, Harry. Now I want to leave if you’re just waiting for me to walk out and drink yourself sick again. I have a kid to think about now.”

“He’s my kid, too. No matter what. I love him and I love you.”

“It doesn’t feel like that, Harry! I was so excited about Lottie doing this for us so we could have a baby together. You don’t even seem to care!”

“I do care! I just know I’m going to fuck up!”

“Well you did, Harry! By fucking thinking you would! Luke doesn’t even think you love him anymore! That’s how little affection you’ve been giving us and I can’t put up with it! Maybe you don’t love me like you used to.”

“Don’t you ever fucking say that! I love the both of you so much it hurts.”

“You’ve done a real shit job of showing it!”

Harry stalks over to Louis and grabs his bicep and holds it hard.

“Let me go, Harry,” Louis says sternly, looking him straight in the eyes.

“You’re not leaving again. I won’t let you,” Harry says lowly.

“I’m going to tell you one more time before I call Liam. Let me go.”

At that, Harry drops his hand and watches Louis carefully.

“I refuse to watch you turn into a drunken monster,” Louis says quietly, turning on his heels and walking to their bedroom, grabbing a few things before slamming the front door.

~

“Did he hit you?!” Liam shouts when Louis comes into the house.

“No, Li. He grabbed me and I told him to let me go then I left. I don’t feel safe bringing Luke back there,” Louis says taking a shaky breath.

“No, you’re not going back there. You’re going to stay here as long as you need. Luke is napping with Natalie right now so don’t worry about him. Zayn fed them lunch and everything. I think you might need a nap. You look exhausted,” Liam says, brushing some hair out of Louis’ face.

“Haven’t been sleeping much,” Louis mumbles, walking to the couch and curling in on it.

“Hey, Lou,” Zayn greets solemnly, sitting next to him and putting an arm around him. “How did it go?”

“Not well. I…I think it might be over,” Louis whispers, closing his eyes tight. It’s painfully silent for a moment before Zayn speaks up.

“It doesn’t have to be. You can help him through this. You two always make it work. You can’t quit now. You’re Harry and Louis,” Zayn says sadly.

“As mad as I am at Harry,” Liam starts, “Zayn is right. You should make it work, or at least try to before doing anything stupid. He’s got your name tattooed on his finger, for Christ’s sake.”

“I love him, really, you know how much I do, but sometimes I wonder if giving him a second chance was a good idea. I mean, everything has been so good until now, but I should have learned my lesson the first time,” Louis says quietly.

“No, don’t say that. You both made a lot of mistakes in the past. You’ve been so good lately. Hell, better than good. If you tell him you’re willing to work with him through this, he’ll know you’re in it for the long run,” Zayn explains, rubbing Louis’ back. The older boy nods, sighing.

“Yeah, yeah. I guess I should at least try.”

~

Louis stays at Liam and Zayn’s place for the next few days with Luke, wanting to let everything cool off before going back. They’re eating breakfast when Louis speaks up.

“I think I’m going to go back today,” he says, eyes trained on his food.

“Are you sure, Lou?” Liam asks, watching him carefully.

“I think we need to talk about it now before he gets worse, you know? Can you just…watch Luke while I go? I don’t want him there while I talk to Harry, you know, just in case,” Louis explains, his voice getting quiet towards the end.

“Of course, Louis. Anything you need,” Zayn says, rubbing his back. Louis takes a deep breath, nodding.

“Yeah, thank you. I think I should go do it now,” Louis announces, standing up. “I’ll be back later.”

“Call us if anything goes wrong, yeah?” Liam says, worrying his bottom lip.

“Yeah, promise,” Louis reassures. Liam stands up, giving Louis a big hug and kissing his forehead.

“Good luck,” he mumbles, letting him go.

~

“Harry?” Louis calls, walking into the house and closing the door behind him.

“Louis?” Harry calls back, voice hopeful and Louis feels sick.

“It’s me,” Louis replies. “Where are you?”

“Living room.”

Louis walks in, putting his keys down in the foyer and goes into the living room, seeing Harry sitting on the coach with tea in his hands, eyes red and puffy. Louis grabs the tea, sniffs it and sighs in relief.

“Not stupid enough to add anything to my tea,” Harry mutters, crossing his arms. Louis sighs, putting the tea on the coffee table and looking down at Harry.

“We need to talk like adults, Harry. This needs to be taken care of,” Louis says, his voice soft. “Please. I want to make this work.”

“You do?” Harry looks up with wet eyes, his voice wrecked.

“Yes, Harry. This ring,” Louis says, pointing to the silver band on his finger, “means a lot to me. I’ve never stopped loving you and I thought you knew that. God, I’ve always wanted you since day one and I haven’t stopped. Not for a second. If you need help, we can get you help. I…I want us to work. You’re-fuck, Harry, you’re killing yourself this way. Don’t you see that?” Louis says brokenly.

“Lou,” Harry chokes, giving Louis a pleading look.

“I know, honey. I know,” Louis whispers, putting his hands on the sides of Harry’s face. “We can do this together. Don’t you want to get better? Don’t you want to live a long and happy life with me and Luke and our future kids?” Louis asks, eyes watery and voice begging Harry. Harry’s hands come up to cover’s Louis’ smaller ones, closing his eyes for a moment and letting his tears fall down his cheeks.

“’M sorry,” Harry croaks. Louis wipes the tears from his eyes, his own falling.

“You’re sick, Harry, it’s okay. We’re going to get you the help you need, okay? We can get through this,” Louis promises, his voice low. Harry nods a couple of times, his eyes locking with Louis’.

“I love you, Louis. I love you so fucking much,” Harry breathes, a sob escaping.

“I love you too, sweetheart. I always, always will, okay? Don’t you ever forget that. We’re a forever type of thing. I want you forever and always,” Louis tells him, leaning in and kissing his lips softly.

“I want to get better, Louis. I need to get better,” Harry cries, hiding his face in Louis’ tummy. Louis cries harder, running his fingers through his dark hair.

“I know, baby. You’re going to get better. Everyone is here for you, especially me. We’re going to get you better,” Louis promises, holding his head closer to his body. Harry looks up at his husband before speaking again.

“Lou, take care of me. Please just, take care of me,” Harry begs and Louis nods.

“Okay, sweetie, okay,” Louis says softly, knowing exactly what he needs. He takes him to their bedroom and makes love to him for the first time in a while. When they first started dating, Louis didn’t bottom much because Harry was afraid of control and Louis loved it. Once they got closer and they got older, Louis was okay with giving up his control and becoming vulnerable for Harry; something he used to despise. Louis liked to be taken care of and looked after, so he surrendered all his control and let Harry top on almost all occasions. Their roles reversed easily, and Louis wouldn’t change a thing. Harry was much less vulnerable after they got back together, but Louis didn’t take offense. He can completely understand why he wouldn’t want to look vulnerable anymore. Alcohol goes after vulnerable people and Harry needed to be strong to fight it; and it was, for a while. Until now.

Louis thrusted into him gently, holding Harry’s hands and murmuring how much he loved him. Once they were both taken apart, Louis pulled out slowly and curled into Harry’s arms. It used to be Louis holding Harry, but Harry got too big and Louis was very okay with being held in his strong arms. Louis kissed Harry’s butterfly tattoo and pawed at his abs gently.

“We’ll be alright.”

~

That night, Louis and Harry both go to Zayn and Liam’s house to pick up Luke. Harry is more than a little nervous to be facing them, but Louis tells him everything will be fine and that they still love him.

Zayn is more accepting than Liam is, but Luke is so excited to see Harry that Liam can’t stay angry for long.

“Hey, Harry, can I talk to you for a second?” Liam asks and Harry looks at him wearily before nodding.

“Sure,” he agrees. They walk into the empty dining room and Liam sits, telling Harry to sit across from him.

“Listen, I’m really glad Louis is giving you another chance. I want you two to work because you make him so happy, but if you hurt him one more time, Harry…I’m coming after you. I’m sick of him crying and hurt over your stupid mistakes because all he does is love you and care for you. Is that understood?” Liam says firmly. Harry nods and swallows.

“Understood. I won’t fuck up again, Liam. I’m not going to fuck up. I love him and I’m going to try really hard, not only for him but Luke,” Harry promises and Liam nods approvingly.

“I’m glad. Now, lets get back to your husband and son, yeah?”

~

“Papa can you read my a bedtime story when we get home?” Luke asks from the backseat while Harry drives home.

“Yeah, bud. Of course I can. What story do you want me to read?” Harry asks, smiling.

“Goodnight Moon!” Luke shouts happily and Harry grins widely.

“Anything you want, Lukey.”

~

Once Harry reads him the whole book to his son, Luke is yawning and his eyes are falling closed. “Think it’s time for you to go to sleep, bud,” Harry smiles, kissing his forehead. Luke yawns again and nods.

“Does this mean you still love me?” Luke asks and Harry wants to punch himself for everything he’s done.

“I never stopped loving you, Lukey. I’m your Papa, that means I’m going to love you forever, okay?” Harry says, running a hand through Luke’s hair.

“Okay, Papa,” Luke says, clearly happy with the answer.

“I’ll make chocolate chip pancakes in the morning, okay?” Harry promises and Luke grins.

“Yay!”

“Okay, goodnight, sweetie. I love you.”

“I love you too, Papa.”

Harry gives him another kiss before turning off his lights and leaving the room. When he walks back into his own bedroom, Louis is moving around, looking through their drawers. Louis turns around to see Harry standing there and coughs.

“I’m just…checking. Making sure everything is out of the house before we start this whole process,” Louis explains and Harry nods slowly. He walks to his nightstand and takes the flask from underneath the wooden furniture and hands it to Louis.

“That’s all I have in here. Used to fill it every night with whatever we have in the kitchen,” Harry says lowly and Louis nods, taking the flask in his hand and kissing the corner of his mouth before he walks out of the room. He comes back empty handed and curls into bed, motioning for Harry to follow suit. They cuddle up to one another and Harry sighs, content.

“We’ll be okay?” he asks after a moment.

“Yeah. We’re going to be okay.”


End file.
